Tuesday Tips: Stress Busters

It's easy to get stressed out, even if you aren't planning a wedding. Here are some quick and easy ways to reduce stress in your every-day life:

• Get out of the office on your lunch break, and take a walk.  If your job requires you to sit in front of a computer all day, take several breaks during the day to stretch.
• Even if you can't leave the office for lunch, don't eat lunch at your desk.
• Exercise regularly - even a game of catch with a friend or a walk with your dog will help clear your mind.
• Allow extra time to get to appointments - plan to arrive 15 minutes early, in case there is traffic, road closures, or you get lost.  You should still arrive on time without being stressed!
• Don't be afraid to ask questions or ask for help.  Keeping things bottled up won't solve a problem.
• When you are feeling stressed about something, ask yourself, "Is this really important?" or "Will this matter a year from now?"
• Do something creative.  Doodle on a notepad, paint a picture, write a poem - anything different from your ordinary daily tasks.

Tuesday Tips: The First Look

I know: half of you are reading this saying, "what's a first look?" More and more frequently, brides and grooms are seeing each other before the wedding ceremony, even if their religion doesn't dictate doing so.  It takes the pressure off, and allows a lot more time for photos.   Plus this leaves time for the bride and groom to enjoy cocktail hour with their guests!

If you plan to see each other before the ceremony, ask your photographer and videographer about staging a First Look.  We've been doing this for several years now, and it just gets better and better! Here are some tips for getting great photos and videos:

• Choose a great location for your first look.  It should be interesting but private.
• Ask your bridal party to wait in the distance so that you two can have a few private moments together.
• Be prepared to cry - both of you.  Have tissues handy!
• Be sure to talk to your wedding pros in advance.  They may have ideas for locations at your venue that will look great.

Tuesday Tips: Postponing Your Wedding

It's not a topic that any couple wants to think about.  But, some weddings do need to be postponed for one reason or another - military service, family illness, and finances, just to name a few.  If you find yourself in a situation where the wedding must be re-scheduled, here are some tips:

• Let your guests know as soon as possible, so that they can change or cancel travel arrangements with the least amount of penalties.  If invitations have not been mailed but the date has been announced, send a simple card explaining that the date has changed.  If invitations have gone out, the guests will need to be notified by phone.  Depending on the situation, you may want to enlist the help of family or close friends to make the calls.
• Ask your vendors if your deposits can be transferred to your new wedding date.  Even is you don't have a new date just yet, they may agree to apply the deposit if you re-book within a certain period of time.
• If you can't re-book a vendor, ask if there is something else you can get for that money.  For example, if your reception was scheduled at a country club, see if you can get a club membership, or host another family event there instead.
• All couples should look into wedding insurance.  It can cover fees, deposits, etc. in case of a last-minute cancellation due to illness or death in the immediate family, as well as severe weather or major transportation shutdown.

Tuesday Tips: Trunk Shows

If you are in the market for a wedding gown, you may have seen invitations to trunk shows.  And you may be wondering, what is a trunk show, and should I go to one?

A trunk show is typically one or two days, where the designer or their representative travels to a bridal salon to showcase their new line.  Most salons have limited space for display and may not be able to have an entire line on hand - this gives you a chance to see more variety from a designer.

• Make an appointment! Time slots usually fill up fast.
• Talk to the designer or their rep about changes you'd like made to the dress - they should be able to easily tell you what will work and what won't.
• Ask about discounts.  There may be special incentives for ordering at the trunk show, or you might get those little changes (adding length, changing the neckline, etc.) thrown in for free.

Our friends at Sharon Batten are having a Ramona Keveza trunk show this weekend.  Call the shop at (904) 285-4544 for more details.

Tuesday Tips: The Bachelorette Party

When you hear the term "bachelorette party," it conjures images of drinking and craziness and strippers.  And that's exactly what some people want for their "last" night out with the girls.  But one of the most frequent questions I get is regarding other options for a girls' get-together.  Here are some ideas to consider:

• Road Trip! It doesn't have to be a trip to Vegas, a la The Hangover, but why not take a little weekend getaway with your pals?  Relax at a spa or on a beach; be adventurous and go mountain climbing or whitewater rafting; or spend a weekend shopping in another city!
• Make Something! Consider a night at a pottery-painting studio, where all the girls can paint something special for the bride.  Many shops allow you to bring in food and drinks, but ask ahead of time.  Are you scrapbookers?  Spend a night (or weekend) creating pages to fill with wedding photos.
• Have an Old-Fashioned Sleepover! Re-live your junior high school days with your best gals.  Rent movies, eat fattening food, talk about boys - so much fun!

A "bachelorette party" can really be anything that the bride and her friends enjoy doing together!

Tuesday Tips: Photography Basics

I always stress the importance of photography and videography to my clients.  After the party has ended, your photos and videos are the only thing you will be left with other than memories of your wedding day.   Here are some things to think about when interviewing photographers:

• What type of equipment do you use? Is it professional-grade?  It's not important to get into too many specifics here, but the thing you want to know about is resolution and print size.  If a photographer is using a camera from Best Buy, the resolution may not be high enough to create the wall-size portrait that you want.
• What is your backup procedure?  Most pros will "dump" their media cards (usually similar to what is in your point-and-shoot digital camera) as soon as the wedding is over and back everything up to CD or DVD.  But what happens from there?  Is there an external hard drive backup?  Does a copy get stored off-site in case of fire, theft or other damage at the studio?
• Also regarding backups, how long are your images stored?  I was recently at an industry event where Master Photographer Susan Michal was addressing this issue - she has backups for every wedding she has ever shot.  This might seem extreme now, but what happens if your house burns down in five years?  Wouldn't it be great to know you can turn to your photographer to still have your wedding images?
• How many images are edited?  If your photographer gives you a CD or DVD as part of your package, find out if these images are edited for color correction, etc.
• Can I see images from an entire wedding?  Often a photographer might show you an album with one or two of the best images from several weddings - ask to log in to their online proofing website to see a full wedding.
• What are your emergency procedures?  Do you have backup equipment?  Do you bring it with you?  What if something happens to you on the wedding day, can you send another photographer?

Tuesday Tips: Having a Backup Plan

For brides and grooms planning outdoor weddings, it is crucial to have a backup plan!  We had a beautiful wedding on Saturday (more to come on that!) but if we had not had proper planning it could have been a disaster Saturday's forecast called for a high in the low to mid 50's... a 20-degree drop from our average this time of year!  Luckily, we had planned well in advance to not only have a tent but also heaters.  About a month before the wedding, we even added the side walls for the tent to keep the heat inside the tent better.

On Saturday morning, I arrived at the site, and not only was it in the high 40s, but it was raining.  No worries though! Our tent was warm and dry and looking beautiful.  And by the time the ceremony was over, the sun was even making a guest appearance.

Here are some things to think about if you have a non-traditional venue:

• Do you have adequate restroom facilities?
• What will happen if there is inclement weather? Don't just think about temperature or rain - what about high winds?
• What is the cancellation policy if you don't need the tent/heater/etc.?
• What is the ground like - is it even? If it rains, will it be soggy?
• Where will your vendors load in?
• Is there enough parking for your guests?

If you are thinking of hiring a planner/coordinator, be sure they have worked with this type of venue before! There are lots of little things to think about, and you don't want to realize you need to think about them when it's too late.

Consultants...and More

If you have been to a bridal show or looked at a bridal magazine recently, you may have noticed a lot of so-called "wedding planners" that offer a lot of other services.  Linens, rentals, floral designs, catering, cakes... sounds like a great deal, right? Well, not always.

Let's say you decide to hire a "wedding in a box" company.  There are two options: 1) they really are doing everything themselves,  or 2) they are outsourcing everything.  If they do everything themselves, ask yourself, do you want to work with someone who does one thing well or five things just adequately?

If they are outsourcing, then chances are they are not only collecting a fee from you for their services, but they are also adding on a percentage to the other vendors' fees.  Some companies even charge their vendors a percentage of their fee, meaning the same DJ could quote you $1,000 but you end up paying $1,100 because they tack on a fee that they have to pay the "planner."

You may decide that it is worth paying a little extra to have someone handle every detail for you - great, not a problem.  However, what happens if your "planner" isn't getting your vision, or you have a disagreement that makes you uncomfortable?  Now you have a problem. If you fire your "planner," you lose everything - your venue, your rentals, your flowers, your catering, your cake.

Or worse, what if the company you hire suddenly disappears?  Unfortunately, it has happened here in Jacksonville too often.  The "planner" says he or she will take care of everything, the client writes a check, and then as the wedding day approaches the "planner" will not return  phone calls.  And since you met them at a Starbucks, you have no idea what their physical address is.

This post isn't meant to scare you, and all companies offering multiple services aren't bad.  Just remember, as with any vendor, ask for references, check Better Business Bureau reports, and get referrals from others you trust.  As my grandmother used to say, "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is!"

Tuesday Tips: Post-Bridal Show Organization

Hopefully, you attended Sunday's bridal show at the UNF University Center.  And hopefully, you left with a giant bag full of information.  So now what? I'm guilty myself. Especially at the home and garden shows.  I come home with all these great brochures and then they sit there, still in the bag, for a couple months until I throw the whole thing out without even looking at it again.

Let's start by sorting.  Hopefully sometime this week, while everything is fresh in your mind!  Pull out the brochures and postcards and flyers for the companies that really stood out in your mind.  That stack is priority number one.  Check out these companies' websites, or call to set up a meeting.

The next stack is for services you still need.  If you've already booked your photographer, throw out all of those brochures.  Even if you don't think you'll need a particular service, keep that brochure in the stack. You never know!

Now sub-divide pile #2 into the services you are currently looking for and those that you might need or ones you will focus on later.  For example, you need a cake but haven't booked your venue yet; put the cake brochures in a "later" pile.

Anything that is left and doesn't fit into any of these categories, throw away!  Eliminate as much clutter as possible in your wedding binder or file.  The exception: see if there are any photos you can use for inspiration, and clip them out.

Hopefully these tips will help you sort through the post-bridal-show chaos!

Tuesday Tips: Addressing and Mailing Your Wedding Invitations

Your wedding invitation is the first impression your guests will receive and sets the tone for your wedding!  After you've spent hours choosing just the right design and wording, don't spoil it buy having less-than-impressive envelopes!

• Consult an etiquette book for proper addressing structure.
• Invitations should always be hand-addressed.
• Consider numbering your guest list and put the same number on the back of the response card; this way, if someone doesn't write their name on the card you will know whose it is!
• Invitations should be mailed out six to eight weeks before the wedding.

Don't underestimate the value of calligraphy!  If you choose to hire a calligrapher, consider these tips:

• Be sure to book your calligrapher as soon as possible, as many of the best book up far in advance.
• Include extra envelopes, just in case of a mistake, ink blot, etc.
• Give your calligrapher a typed list to ensure all names are spelled correctly.  Include the formal names for the outer envelope, and the less formal names for the inner envelopes.
• Also ask your calligrapher about creating escort cards, seating charts, and other wedding accessories.

For more calligraphy and addressing advice, check out our friend Cami Franklin's website! She is one of the top calligraphers in North Florida and is extremely knowledgeable.

Photo from the The Personal Touch, Calligraphy By Cami blog

Longest Married Couple Offers Advice

Coming up on Sunday, the world's longest-married couple will answer relationship questions via Twitter!  You have until Friday, February 12th to submit questions to @LongestMarried, and 14 questions will be chosen and answered on Valentine's Day. Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher were married in 1924.  According to Mashable.com, "The couple, who enjoy hanging on their front porch, watching trains pass by, counting cars and talking to their neighbors, are apparently the model of wedded bliss. They each have their own bedroom — so Herbert can stay up late watching baseball. Well, I guess distance does makes the heart grow fonder."

To read more about Mr. and Mrs. Fisher, check out this article on the AARP website recognizing their Guinness World Record.

Tuesday Tips: The First Dance

The first dance is a special way to represent the bride's and groom's new relationship.  However, having 100 pairs of eyes staring at you as sway on the dance floor may more than a bit nerve-wracking.  Here are some tips to ease the stress:

• Don't dance to the whole song; ask your band or DJ to play only 2 minutes of the song.
• Schedule at least one professional dance lesson so that you are comfortable dancing together.  Learn how to lead and follow, which foot to step with first, and other basics.
• Start practicing a few months before the wedding (not the week of the wedding!).
• Make sure your band or DJ has the same version of the song that you have been practicing with.  If  there is any doubt, give them a copy of the CD.
• If you plan to choreograph your dance, be sure to keep your wedding dress in mind.  There may be a lot of added weight and fabric for your new husband to dance around!

Destination Wedding Budget Tips

Planning a destination wedding may sound extravagant,  but there are lots of ways to save money too!  Here are some tips for planning a wedding, either out of the state or out of the country.

• When you are looking at locations and packages, be sure that the total includes airfare.  Tickets for air travel can easily add $1,000 or more to your total price, depending on your destination.
• Hire a local wedding planner to avoid problems.  Check with the Association of Bridal Consultants for members in your wedding destination.
• Find out when the off-season is in your destination.  There can be significant savings on flights and hotels during non-peak times.
• Don't shop for a "wedding" dress.  Look at evening gowns in a department store for great alternatives.

Tuesday Tips: Getting Moms Involved

We are often asked how to include both your mom and your future mother-in-law in your wedding plans.  Here are some fun and easy tips:

• If both moms live close by, or will be in town at the same time, plan a girls' shopping day.  Have lunch at a nice bistro, then shop for both moms' wedding attire.
• Include both in wedding plans by asking if there are cultural or family traditions that should be added to the ceremony or reception
• Ask your mom for "something old" and his mom for "something borrowed" for the wedding day.  This is another great way to include family heirlooms!

Tuesday Tips: Flooring 101

One often-overlooked wedding item is flooring.  Whether you need to rent a dance floor or build an entire "room" using a tent, here are some things to think about:

• If you are putting a dance floor on grass or another uneven surface, you will need a plywood sub-floor underneath it.  Be sure to ask your rental company to include this in their quote, because it will affect your price!
• If you are laying a dance floor on a smooth, uneven surface (such as stone), you may need carpet underneath to keep it from moving around.
• Tent flooring can make any surface level! Work closely with your rental or event design company to design a space that works for you.
• Ask you venue about any special requirements well in advance, preferably before signing a contract.

Tuesday Tips: Setting The Date

So you're engaged.  Now what?!

Your first instinct may be to pick a date.  It's not a bad place to start, but there are lots of factors that can affect that date.

Some couples have a special date that is significant to their relationship, and nothing is more important than that date. These couples may need to be a little more flexible on location, budget, or guest list.  For others, they simply must have 350 people on their guest list - here in Jacksonville, that means that their venue options are a bit limited.  If an oceanfront wedding is most important, the couple may want to think about a Friday or Sunday wedding if they choose a popular venue.

So where do you start?  Try setting your priorities by numbering these items from 1 (most important) to 10 (least important):

• Time of year / day of week
• Officiant or ceremony location
• Guest list emphasis – family or friends
• Food and drink
• Music
• Reception location
• Attire
• Flowers and décor
• Photography and videography)
• Other

Once you have a list of your priorities, you can look at your budget and decide how much to spend in each area based on its rank.

Lessons From Emily Post

"Nothing is less important than which fork you use. Etiquette is the science of living. It embraces everything. It is ethics. It is honor." - Emily Post

For Christmas, I received not one, but six copies of Emily Post's Etiquette.  The six editions range from 1940 to 1965, and surprisingly didn't change all that much during those years. Here are a few highlights from the 1940 edition:

Manners for Motorists: Drink and Driving

"It is unnecessary to emphasize the menace of the drunken driver; certainly there is nothing to be said in his defense, nor can anyone want him to escape the full penalty of the law."

New Aspect of Hospitality: An Obligation to the Servants

"The kitchen should be returned to its rightful tenant, the cook, in just as good order as it was turned over to the family when she went out.  The same is true of the pantry and even the dining room."

The Day of the Wedding: The Wedding Dress

"It is always proper for a bride to wear a white dress and veil, no matter in what season of the year the wedding is held.  It may be of any white material, satin, brocade, velvet. chiffon, or entirely of lace.  It may be embroidered with pearls, crystals or silver; or it may be as plain as a slip-cover.  It may be anything in fact that the bride fancies, and may be made in whatever fashion or period she chooses."

I'll be featuring random passages occasionally on the blog - if there are any topics of interest to you, please post a comment!

Spotlight: Apron's Cooking School

Too often, I hear about couples that let wedding planning overwhelm their lives.  I've mentioned it on the blog before, but I have a quote on my office wall that says, "Now and then, it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy." (quote by Guillaume Apollinaire)

What better way to spend time together as a couple than cooking!  Here in Jacksonville, we are lucky enough to have an Apron's Cooking School at the Publix at San Jose and I-295.  You might think "cooking school" sounds boring, but these chefs are anything but.  From the Publix website:

Whether you're a brand-new beginner or an experienced cook wanting to expand your repertoire, we have classes that you'll find entertaining and informative. Renowned chefs, authors, cooking celebrities and restaurant chefs make the culinary arts accessible and fun. Some classes focus on certain cuisines or cooking techniques, others center on topics such as desserts or holidays. We also offer deliciously entertaining gourmet food and wine tastings, and cooking classes just for kids and teens.

Some examples of classes coming up in January are:

• Couples Cooking: New Year's Lifestyle
• Brazilian Steakhouse
• Wines of Monterey
• Date Night Pizza
• Havana Nights

Some classes are demonstration-style, where you watch the chefs prepare food for you to sample, while other classes are hands-on.  Most classes include wine pairings and 3-5 courses (appetizer, soup/salad, entree, dessert).

Our local chapter of the National Association of Catering Executives has had several luncheon meetings at Apron's, and the food is always amazing!  So next time you are looking for a fun date night, check out the Publix website.

Peggy Post: Wedding Etiquette

Heather and I recently attended the Association of Bridal Consultants’ annual conference in Indianapolis.  We met a lot of great people, and attended some very informative classes.  One of the highlights of the conference for me was meeting Peggy Post. That’s right, Peggy Post, the great-granddaughter-in-law of Emily Post – etiquette guru!

I attended two of Peggy’s sessions at the conference, and learned some really interesting things about etiquette and how it changes between cultures and over time.

One thing that really stuck out to me was that the giving of a thank you gift can differ between cultures.  The type of gift, when to give it, when to open it, and the appropriate way to reciprocate the gift can all vary depending on the culture.  For instance, be cautious if giving flowers as a gift.  Different colors or types of flowers have various meanings depending on the culture;  some even symbolizing death.  What I found even more interesting (and not surprising) is that chocolates are the universal thank you.

My favorite part of Peggy’s presentation, (besides her calling wedding coordinators saints) was her showing how the principles of etiquette have changed over time.

In 1922: A bride-to-be could not accept apparel, a house, or a car from her fiancé. A wedding in the evening would never take place in New York. A sit-down breakfast reception was the norm. Southern weddings took place in the evenings (because the weather was typically cooler).

In 1980: Female guests should never wear white or black to a wedding. A woman who is re-marrying should never wear white. A bridal gift registry could only consist of crystal, silver, china, and linen – that’s all! The bridal party could only consist of men standing with the groom and women standing with the bride.

Now in 2009, we have honor attendants or even pets as participants in the bridal party.  It is acceptable for female guests to wear black; sometimes even the bridesmaids' dresses are black.  And bridal registries often consist of just about any household item, even camping gear and flat screen TVs.  Not to mention the option of having a honeymoon registry, or requests for charity donations in lieu of gifts.

I also found it interesting that the one rule of etiquette that has not changed in over 80 years is the sending of a hand written thank you note after receiving a gift.

How do you think the rules of etiquette will change over the next 20 years?  Will evites be acceptable as wedding invitations?  Will social or eco-responsibility be more of a rule instead of an option?

Commissions, Kickbacks and Referral Fees

We had an interesting discussion at The Wedding Party office today. A planning company called one of our vendors and actually asked her to raise her prices by 20% so that she can get that amount as a commission!  Several of our wedding pros have been approached by this company and asked to pay a commission in exchange for a referral, although not always quite so blatantly.

There can be a blurry line between commissions, kick backs and referrals.  Our company policy strictly prohibits the acceptance of kick backs or referral fees - we ask that our vendors pass that dollar amount along to our clients as a discount.  But what about a little gift thanking someone for a referral?  Is there a dollar amount that is too extravagant and the gift should be sent back?  It's not always black and white.

The Association of Bridal Consultants (of which we are members, and the above-mentioned company is not) has a Code of Ethics:

Members will...

Represent each client fairly and honestly, providing all agreed-to services in a timely and cost-efficient manner.

Establish reasonable, proper fees for services and provide written estimates to each client.

Use honest factual advertising.

Deal with employees fairly, in an unbiased manner.

Operate an establishment that is a credit to the Association and the community.

Disclose to clients any payment received from suppliers.

Members will...

• Represent each client fairly and honestly, providing all agreed-to services in a timely and cost-efficient manner.
• Establish reasonable, proper fees for services and provide written estimates to each client.
• Use honest factual advertising.
• Deal with employees fairly, in an unbiased manner.
• Operate an establishment that is a credit to the Association and the community.
• Disclose to clients any payment received from suppliers.

My question is whether or not the brides that hire this company know that not only are they paying them, but the vendors are also paying them.  And moreover, is the bride getting the best vendors for her wedding, or anyone that will pay a commission?

Many of the most well-respected professionals in North Florida will refuse to pay these commissions and therefore will not get referred by this other company.  Would you want to lose out on the best photographer or band in town simply because they will not pay your planner a commission?

I'd really love some feedback below, both from wedding pros and brides-to-be...What are your thoughts?